The words to write you doesn't come easy.. every word is thought out and intently thought about. for i am saying what my heart and inner voice needs to say.. i go through these stages of recalling..of deep controlled missing.. i don't allow my mind to go into a dark place..although I've tried this hating you thing..but it just makes me miss you even more..i don't think my body will allow me to have those feelings of dislike. i don't understand what happened..I'm trying to find closure..with every Movement i speak.. I'm trying to learn to let you go..but when i look beside me i feel you there..when i look behind me..i feel you there..when i feel hands on my spirit..I feel yours..i know that you don't wanna talk to me..that your not ready..but i hope you know..that i would always answer your call..that i would sit down and talk with you with out wanting to fight...I am in the process of healing and walking this path alone..and i am enjoying my time with myself..I'm learning how to be present..instead of living in my emotions..and allowing them to dictate my outlook on situations.. i just want you to know that you are missed..daily.. and its more like .. i wonder what he is up to now..i hope he is well..i hope he is happy..does he miss me as much as i miss him..i have always told you i loved you unconditionally.. and that hasn't changed. i may be over stepping a line.. from the top of your head..to your toes..all the way out to your finger tips.. When anah asks about you..i made a promise to your mother.. that anah would know that you loved her..although you can not be with her.. she still knows you love her..i do not talk ill of you in a hateful manner.. i do call you a coward for the way things happen. how you couldn't face me..and you cant give me a reason why. its sad..that it came down the way it did. but again i take responsibility for my reaction, i know this is about validation. that i more then likely will not receive.. but i don't carry that with me.. i write it out to let you know that I'm always thinking about you. and that's prolly desperation in your eyes.. but i know that it comes from a place of love. i know that i shouldnt use that word when im just talking to the air.. to the memories that haunt these walls.. "you could never be replaced ..even though you know my heart is free"- Dub FX
