Reba - The only promise that remains (Ft. Justin Timberlake)

Beautiful Reward, is the Melody to my heart song and the Harmony to my day, she knows this song as hers. just hers, she sings this song word for word and that i will go and search for her any where she goes, i will always fight for her, and when she is lost and confused inside the box that they have created her in that my Love is the only promise that remains, and there is nothing anyone can say or do that will make that child think any diffrent, because she is. the MOST important aspect in my life. and I WILL bring her Stablity and Love with out even a thought, she is the greatness i call my beautiful reward :)

BLUE OCTOBER - JUMP ROPE

Well in 2009 we found this song and it instantly became a hit with the children in my life, and because i am a devoted fan of Blue October, it has gotten me through the worst and the best of times in my life and i wanted to share this with the beautiful reward and her friends and now they request it daily still to this day since we found this song, it has an awesome story to this song, he wanted to let his fans know that it is okay to be happy and celebrate those moments, because at times they feel like its far and inbetween, and at times i must agree with him. even though there is dark moments in live. there is always a golden lining. and sometimes you just gotta fight threw the downs and look forward to the ups :).

the way it relates to us. is hard to put into words. it helps us remember how things can get soo hard. just remember we will shine through any darkness that overwhelms us for the moment, and i must thank him for everything he has given us in this song. and the hope it helps us create. thank you blue october, you are utterly amazing :)

why must she make it so hard?

So, i had my daughter for ten days, the longest I've been allowed to have her in a year, and seriously, every time i have to get her ready to go back to her fathers house she gets tottally upset and carry's on like we are never going to see eachother again. i can see her worry i can, because they didnt allow me to see her for nine months, and they keep playing horrible games and extremely tormenting her, i tell her its time for daddy to love you now, and i keep getting the same god awful look. like im lying to her, my energy doesnt change i dont feed it. but she has always done the huge scene before leaving me for any period of time. i know my daughter doesnt like it there. but i cant do anything about it. courts have my hands tied, argh, i wish i could just protect her from that evil box, its sad, truely is :( oh and too boot my cat buddah, got killed by a car, and we are just a whole bunch of saddness :( awwh.  something to look forward though, Get to go to school with her again on tuesday she seemed excited :)... i miss her already, I love you my beautiful Reward :)

I found this picture online, i lay no claim to it,

Blue Does by Blue October Lyrics

sometimes the downs outrun the ups

A wise man once said to me, that you have to remove your own shoes before putting your feet in someone elses., and i have always lived by that example..

so here..

takes off my shoes..

i dont understand how things got so horrible, so upsetting. but here is some background so you understand where i am coming from...

I gave birth to a beautiful Reward and she was the light of my life the only white light in my world, her father, isnt the most easy person to get along with, but he was decent, well we couldnt live together but we could co parent, but now that his horrible monster is in his life, he doesnt see anything, just what she says to him, i seriously think that she is just Evil. and theres no way to change her mind about the way that she effects my child, how she talks to her, how she convinced her that i was a horrible mother and that i didnt love my child anymore, or how the fact that she TORMENTS her to the point that she messes herself and shes six, knows where the bath room is, she screams and tantrums since the first day that she met the evilness, my child constantly tells me that she doesnt want to go back there, but because of the courts there is no way that i can take her away from that, i feel like they treat her as a money symbol and use her for a personal attack against me. she is a human a child a innocent beauty, but they mute her, they dont hear what she says. and how do you give her voice back.

my child was a free spirit that could laugh smile and accept people for who they are, now shes quiet, sad and wrapped inside her own world, i feel like they are robbing my daughter of her own childhood and placing her in a box that she cant even open, i want to open her up again show her that things arent always going to be so hard. so displacent, so confusing, so upsetting, it hurts my heart that they have taken such a beautiful child and placed her in this darkness, as i said shes six, she should be allowed to shine.

I found this lovely beautiful sad picture on the internet. the stunning message in this picture : sadness can overwelm the smallest. and Failure..and demise. overcomes even the smallest bit of happiness.