...Failure...

i dont want to sit here and throw a pity party for myself.. i wish the scars would fade.. and my heart heals.. but with each new slash an old one reopens.. so how do i stand here and be treated less then i am.. i know my worth.. and i fight for my right to speak on a daily basics.. just to be told i have no right...so i'll take this failing mark.. and learn from it.. with saying yes to you.. am i saying no to myself??..its Healthy to have boundries. and shine through them.. but im personally attacking when i request such a state..im the bad person.. with every reaction theres an action.. and with acting.. and moving my boundries and my comfortability lessesn with each fight..with each guilt trip thrown.. i move away .. just something i gotta deal with eh...

...The quicken steps...

during this time..i feel like my steps are quickened.. and positively moving forward into the light..as slightly looking behind me still.. missing the moments..but i was once told that J's are diffrent then K's and even in the alphabet.. but i feel quickened.. and a little frightened at times but im happy where i am.. i never thought i would be here in this moment...look at all the changes.. that has happened. and the greatfulness that has been shown.. wow.. im just going to continue to move forward.. and see where it goes..and enjoy the new moments. :)

...Merry Christmas / Happy baby Jesus Birthday...Happy New Year...

So this past year i have faced some deep fears.. and hard losses.. but i am thankful for everything i have gone through and witnessed and endured..for it has made me this strong woman that stands in front of you.. I lost a few pounds of  personal baggage.. I was forced to lay it all down.. and walk away.. and i have learned that threw it all.. i am proud of the steps i have taken.. and pulled my own self up outta the darkness i was thrown into.. i smile more.. i laugh more.. i enjoy the people i surround myself with.. im not over compensating with the things i gained.. just more thankful for the time that is spent with those people.. (you know who you are :P)... i still sway hardcore.. nonetheless i wish you all a happy new year.. and hope all your dreams come true :)