...Wowzers...

i know that i havent really been blogging in the last little while, i was providing a roof for someone that was in need. i was happy to provide it. it got stressful. but its simply was a great experince. i have done my best and that is all i could do :) ... there is so much on my mental plate right now.. but im smiling through it... and somewhat avoiding it also.. which is sad. on many levels. but eh..

...Drama Everything...

Let me start with I've let you go
But you don't get it, though
Politely I've asked you to leave,
But still you follow

It's hard when you're full of heart
When the house you built just falls apart
Well keep the paint fresh, keep the outside clean
Make sure the neighbors see you wear that ring
Don't tell them a thing, they don't know you like me

You're the girl that cries 'water in the basement'
Everybody stop, wait, look, see
You're the girl that could lie to my face
And fabricate a flood to get through to me
I went away and you found a replacement
So call him, don't call me
To the girl that cries 'water in the basement':
You drama everything

I heard a good friend once say
"You got one life, live it, cuz they'll take it away"
From all of us, one day, you know they will
So color it up, color it up
Say your last goodbye, I don't give a fuck
Bottoms up, just watch me walk away

I'm here to say that -
I don't need your sorry dream at all
What makes you think you can tell me how to feel
Or how hard I should fall
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, now you listen
Oh my, you're not anything I need in my life
No, you're not anything I even want
Cuz they don't know you like me

You're the girl that cries 'water in the basement'
Everybody stop, wait, look, see
You're the girl that could lie to my face
And fabricate a flood to get through to me
I went away and you found a replacement
So call him, don't call me
To the girl that cries 'water in the basement':
You drama everything

Here's what you gotta do

Hold you head high
Shoot first, man, don't ask why
Yeah, you won't feel the pain at all
Well I guess I, grew this mind
I think for myself and I'm fine
No, I don't need anything from you at all
They don't know you like me

You're the girl that cries 'water in the basement'
Everybody stop, wait, look, see
You're the girl that could lie to my face
And fabricate a flood to get through to me
I went away and you found a replacement
So call him, don't call me
To the girl that cries 'water in the basement':
You drama everything

(Fabricate a flood to get through to me)
(So call him, don't call me)

You drama everything
Drama
So much drama

...Worry List...

....this band continues to write..words that i wish i could say...they always have.....

...melancholy...

 (-deep, pensive, and long-lasting sadness-)

I personally have been in this state of  "melancholy".. I have learned that emotions.. sometimes play tricks on our minds.. on how things you precieve.. are never the real truth..i havent allowed myself to get to sad since..july.. i havent wallowed in what i used to know to be true..i stood here as the change over sweept me.. like an earthquake hits your core..and as the wave comes all you can do is watch as it takes everything you ever..loved.owned.worked hardfor..Just simply..torn from your hands..your grasp..as your heart engulfs with sadness as it is pulled at the intwinded souls, and untwinded them..like a top spinning.. the connection that was so deep..no longer exists.. Just a addict..craving for the drug..Just a heart learning to beat..sometimes you just gotta pick the pen up.. and write your own story..at times the rain falls heavily outside..and the dance just waltz through my thought pattren..and my heart gets heavy.. the poetry basicly writes its self when i think of you..the way you made me feel.. the love that was shown..the delicaticy as we both knew our hearts..then i smile.. and remember the joy that i have learned to walk in.. the heart will heal...Scars will fade..Strength will be a fact, Not just a state of being.. ill know my name when its called again.. and i will shine..as my energy transforms..Lillian Rising <3 <3

...Sometimes..

sometimes people walk into your life just when you need them or they need you.. i maybe doing the "wrong" thing in helping this person..but sometimes.. you need to know theres a second chance. that things can start to look better. and that the path that you are on is changing and things work out for the best in the end. sometimes facing the demons..is hard..but its important..because they will make you face them one day. Yes. ive had some serious triggers in the last 48hours..this is benifiting. someone elses sobirity. and showing times of weakness..there is strenght. <3

...Letting Go...

there comes a time in your life.. where you become more self awear.. and notice that change is imporant and as the scars fade .. that days of self sacrifcing will come to a limiting end.. where its going to be okay to stand up for youself and show that the convictions of my past will not defind my walking purpose of healing and understanding and finding myself. Independantly Happy.. so the faster i let things go.. the easier this path is going to be for me.. so i look at the past as a place i cant control or change.. and that my future will happen when it does.. and im going to enjoy and rejoice in the moments i have... living life to my fullest.. Happy!! :)

...integrity...

when you invite someone out some where have the fuckin balls to show up. or dont fuckin ask to hang out. the excuse i got "busy" isnt gonna fuckin work this time. enjoy the wraith of cranky ass Lillian. cuz i aint putting myself through that again. now that ive said it. im done have a goodnight.

...Power...

I have noticed. that people give power to other people.. in the way they talk to one another..the way that their feelings have interupted the words coming outta their mouths..how things tend to be blown outta the water.. and sometimes they steal the power by invading personal space and what not.. but seriously.. we all need to stand and take back our power make it our own again.. to walk with ourselves in high regard and know ..deep down that the only one that has control of your power is you!!.. so embrace it ..dance with it..and even let things roll off your back.. Stand with ur back straight and your eyes forward and you will get through it all!! because no matter the issue.. the power is always yours to keep a hold of..dont give it freely...

...Epicness...Halairty...

I just wanna say thank you for allowing me to be involved in such heavy laughter. and epic moments. to homo moments (no offence intended) haha.. seriously though.. my spirit feels at rest.. it was awesome to have such a great night out after the emotional shit storm that hit me today!! you guys made my month.. and i hope more of those nights will happen...

...Guilt...

There once was a time were i carried guilt for things i didn't have any control over... like how the children in my life were getting hurt by someone really close to them.. like their parent.. i fought with myself and how i should approach it with the parent.. or how i knew that drugs were starting to take over someone and all i could do is watch because i didn't wanna believe it to be true.. but they made choices for me.. the made the best choices the hard ones for me.. the one that requires walking away so healing can start. and seriously.. THANK  YOU FOR FUCKING OFF.. yes i was sad at frist.. but seriously when you live something for so long your gonna get anxious when it leaves your presance.. but seriously. i really wishes that people would understand that things arent going to change.. and its not because im stubborn.. but See that with the growth im showing that i can face anything.. im strong im standing on my feet.. and i can breath freely without the weight of the world dancing on my shoulders.. DO you really think that i should stop all this growth just to make one person happy.. and that person wouldnt be me.. your foolishly mistaken. i will not defer from my travells this time.. i will  not cowerd back into the depths of the hole they had placed me in .. For .. Lillian Rising.. will be the greatest things of all.. so if your not gonna stand with me..dont stand near me at all.. because no matter the distantion.. they are no longer apart of it.. understand..with a good riddiance.. i bid you adieu